So these past few days have been rainy, but who am I to complain about the slight temperature drop? The commute home is slightly more bearable, I don’t sweat that much *over-share*
Lately I’ve been studying on my own. Like literally on my own. I download e-books like mad and read them and take notes (which I kind of miss, by the way). My boss enrolled me in this IMMAP-Ateneo Digital Marketing course and I’m sort of excited. I say “sort of” because I missed the first day of the course yesterday (at Bonifacio High Street) and because it’s done online. I mean, I wanted a real classroom LOL but still, Ateneo is Ateneo and free is free :) So yeah. Thank you, boss :)
Back to the e-books. It’s the reason why I’m convinced more and more everyday that I NEED an e-book reader. Really, I get this feeling that I don’t want to part from my desk because it means I have to finish reading for the day. I don’t read/study them at home because once the sofa and the bed and the dining table call my name, I’m off the laptop.
Christmas, please be nice to me :)
Hahahahahahaha I’ve been a giggly little girl (though it HARDLY shows, I know) lately BECAUSE… because :) It’s a definite long-shot, and since “he” happened more than a year ago, I am again stumped at what to do! Waaaaaay smarter, for sure! Which is why I’m stuck. The Insecure plays up and she’s nasty. Sometimes she’s got a louder voice than Secure that if they end up in a screaming match, Secure has the best arguments but Insecure wins for loudness. Le sigh. And then there’s the “no-he-doesn’t-yes-he-does-oh-no-never-mind” nagging too.
See why my brain is so noisy??? I have a problem shutting it up and just go to sleep. But trust me I’m still sane. Maybe this is the effect for having some new things occupy my mind. For the loooooongest time it’s been us, and how we were and what’s going to happen next. There were mornings when I woke up crying and with slight fever, that was the height of it I guess. Two weeks cold turkey. Of course there are still instances when I catch myself thinking of stuff like, I wish he knew what’s up with me now, but maybe what’s happening to me right now is mainly because he left a space big enough for new things and persons to fit in. I drank three bottles of Tanduay Ice on a Wednesday night, I have new people to talk to, new work to worry about… miracles three bottles can bring.
There’s someone else now that’s doing what I used to do; someone filling up the void I left (if there’s even one)…so I guess it’s only fair that I do the same with what he left me with. So far, that’s a broken heart, bruised ego, and a big gaping hole that’s waiting to be filled. And it will be - in time. Truth be told I miss you, but shit happens. It feels good to tell myself before I sleep that I’m through with what used to be us. If we ever get around to being friends, why not. But knowing you, you probably hate me now for how I messed up your life. Well, you messed up mine too… all is fair in love and heartbreak.
I said you’ll always be special and that nobody can change that…I forgot to say “except you”. Right now I’m still torn between you holding that part, or completely forgetting what we went through. But one thing for sure: I DON’T want to go back.
I’m getting my clean slate six months after I said I wanted to quit. Things happen for a reason, there are people you meet because they have to teach you a lesson. You have. So thank you.
I want to end this on a happy note (and because I’m turning in already), so:
“Purple sky has turned gray, and it makes me want to scream.”
*smile*